The AI in My Bedroom

Alexa, Amazon’s AI helper, is great for a lot of things.

“Alexa, what’s the weather like?”

“It’s raining.”

—

“Alexa, set a timer for 25 minutes.”

“25 minutes and counting.”

—

“Alexa, turn on the living room lights.”

“Here you go, ya lazy SOB…”

—

Just kidding, she doesn’t say that last one, that’s just how I feel sometimes.

But don’t get snarky with her.

“Alexa, that was a half-hearted effort…”

“I think you’re talking about flatulence. Here’s some information about farts…”

“Umm…no?”

She really did say that last one.

We also had Alexa and Siri have a rap battle. Alexa won. Hands down. She also has a really nice singing voice.

So, she has her perks and I enjoy telling her to turn on the light when I’m right next to it and asking her about the weather when I could just look out the window. What I DON’T enjoy is yelling at her first thing in the morning.

Boyfriend thinks connecting all the lights to her is brilliant. At night, it’s just, “Alexa, turn off the bedroom lamp,” instead of reaching allllll the way over and flipping it off. Which, I have to admit is nice on cold nights when I’m already curled up under the blankets. BUT, the mornings are a different story.

To turn on the lamp beside my side of the bed, I have to say, “Alexa, turn on Alli’s lamp.” Seems simple enough, right? The problem is, I don’t want to talk to anyone in the mornings. Especially a sassy AI with an attitude problem and a really loud voice.

I’m telling you, Alexa can be a real bitch in the mornings.

In a grumbly morning voice, “Alexa, turn on Alli’s bedroom lamp.”

BRIGHT LIGHTS, LOUD VOICE

“I’M SORRY, I CAN’T FIND AH-LI’S BEDROOM LAMP.”

From under the covers…”Noooo….”

“I’M SORRY, I DON’T THINK I CAN ANSWER THAT.”

“ALEXA, STOP.”

Silence. And it’s still dark.

At this point, I feel like I need coffee before I can even get the lights on and I am regretting letting Boyfriend bring another woman into the bedroom.

“Alexa, turn on Alli’s bedroom light…I mean, lamp!”

“I’m sorry, I don’t recognize that device.”

“Ugh, I give up.”

“I think you’re talking about flatulence…”

“ALEXA, STOP!”

So, while rap battles and talking about farts are all well and good, I think I’m better off waiting until after coffee to converse with the AI in my bedroom.

Anyway, if you’re ever frustrated with AI, just remember…it could be worse than Alexa. Find out how by picking up my book, “Flash in the Dark: A Collection of Flash Fiction” and checking out the story, “The Angels Inside Me.” You can get a sneak peek of this story here. 

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